Self embracement unembraced

11.06

like bukowski
with his bluebird
there is a pain in my heart
fluttering fragile wings
fluffing itself up
trying to be bigger than it is

i see
the fear
is of me realizing
I am not what matters
this self is not the center
of it all

and though I call it fear
for I am afraid
of the fading of me
and the importance
I try to give to this
expression of myself
singing my song
this is a good thing
and I see it
for what it can be

see the joy I can bring
to my wife
imagine the strength
and wisdom
I can bring to our child
who at this moment grows
while I seem to shrink
if only in my own eyes

there will always be me
regardless of how far
from self-conciousness
i am able to venture
in this lifetime
caring for those whom
I am learning to love
more than an afternoon
alone writing
more than a weekend
with a stack of books
and a pot of coffee

the less I am
the more we become
a family without an ego
that is fearful and reactive
clutching self embracement
becoming unembraced
a light turned out
and not just for the night
______

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2 thoughts on “Self embracement unembraced

  1. very nice, mr. jonas. a beautiful piece of your truth spilling out.

    Thank you for putting up the blog so we can keep up with you, so far away, preparing and securing the discontinuous permafrost for its return.

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